Blogs

So my sister and I were talking about blogs awhile back...

I have one specific blog that I have followed for about 2 years. It started off as a fashion type blog, but the lady got pregnant and she started to write a lot about that. I absolutely loved it,both versions of her blog. Then my computer broke and I just kinda stopped checking up on updates. But at some point I realized '' hey, her and her husband probably already had the baby, I wonder what she looks like''. I checked the blog from my phone while at my parents house, and sure enough there were updates. My sister saw me reading it and asked me who it was. When I responded that it was just a lady that I use to follow, she just kind of looked at me like I was a creeper. She was like '' you are reading about someone's life that you don't even know... That's kinda creepy. ''

My argument back at that? Someone wrote a blog for it to be read. It's on the Internet, so it's public. I don't know her, it's not that big of a deal. It's not like I'm stalking her, I'm just reading updates.

What would actually be creepy is if I found a friends blog online and read it, but didn't tell him/her. So I was talking to them everyday but not admitting '' hey, I came across your blog the other day! Now I read it all the time! So that story you just told me? I ALREADY KNEW IT!!! ''. THAT is the creepy thing. Creepy, and nosy.

But I don't know the person, so it's not that big of a deal. I just read the updates, then move on. That's what blogs are for. Besides, if I didn't wake up so dang early, she gives some great fashion advise that I would probably follow!

Until next time,
Tiffany <3

I've never been more happy to see the weekend

It has been the longest week that I've had in a long time. I'm incredibly happy that it's Friday evening, I'd do a happy dance and celebrate... But I'm just so freaking exhausted that all I want to do is collapse in bed and sleep for a full day.

God, please let this weekend drag on for as long as possible. I hate when I'm like ''Yay its Friday!! Time to relax!'' then turn around and it's Sunday night and I'm setting my alarm clock wondering where the time even went.

I'd write more, but my eyes can hardly stay open. Here's to catching up on rest this weekend.

Until next time,
Tiffany

Why Did I Put Myself Through This

So, the past two movies Javi and I have watched were requested by him. I asked him if I could request a movie this time, of course he says yes. I asked if we could either watch The Notebook or Beauty and the Beast, both of which I've been wanting to watch for awhile now.

Like an idiot, I chose The Notebook.

I've seen it at least 40 times, no joke. I cried so hard the first time I watched it, then a little less each time after until I finally could watch it with no tears.

Thanks to my lovely pregnant emotions, I cried at 5-6 different parts before we even reached the halfway mark, and way before it even got sad. Then at the end when she remembers him I freaking cried my eyes out. I had to tell Javi to turn it off before it got to the really sad part. I absolutely can't stand the scene where she forgets him again and the nurses rush in. Ugh. Heartbreaking.

I was telling Javi about the ending (he knows what happens but hadn't actually seen the movie until now). I was going into way too much detail and made myself cry all over again.

At least I have a sense of humor through all this. I joked that we should watch A Walk To Remember now.

Granted its not ALL my fault, Javi should have known better. If I cried over a box of doughnuts, why on earth would he agree to watching The notebook.

Should have skipped Noah and Allie and instead went with Belle and her Beast. Lesson learned.

Who am I kidding, I would have cried when Beast almost dies in Belles arms. I'm safe from nothing.

Until next time,
Tiffany <3

Full of Emotions

So I've been dreading my next update, only because I really just don't care to update about my wedding (which, if you are of any importance to me you were there for) or spilling the news that I'm pregnant (again, if you are important to me at all, we have already celebrated together). Both of which I'm incredibly thrilled about telling all the million details in person ..... ring bearer loosing the ring, our crappy dj, the sweetest moments, the dances, etc... Or all the little thoughts about my pregnancy so far, how we already started our nursery (including javis old dresser that him and my sis sanded and repainted). But, like I said, if you are important, you know all this so I'm not wasting my time!

I will jump into pregnancy talk for this post though. Morning sickness is not my problem, I can keep that under wraps pretty easily. But keeping my emotions under control... Man, that's like telling a dog to stop barking while a parade of people walk outside your door. Just won't happen. I've cried countless time over the stupidest things ever. Usually I'm alone though, but it's getting worse...

My sister, a friend and I were watching a tv show together on Sunday night. Pretty Little Liars, in case you know that show. It's super cheesy, and in all honesty I think we are all one step away from being done with the show, but we are all hoping it gets better again soon! Anyways, it's not a crazy emotional show, it's a cheesy teenage horror show pretty much. Well anyways, In one of the scenes a main character is reunited with her mom, who had previously been out of the country for a bit. It was cute, and during the scene I started to cry. Yes, my sister and friend were staring at me like I was crazy. Yes, I was embarrassed for myself.

Then on Tuesday night Javi and I went over to visit Paytons family. We hadn't seen them since the wedding and both parents had been asking when we would come over and show them Ireland pictures, they were excited for us and wanted to hear all about it (not to mention they knew about the baby and wanted to hear more!). We had been so busy, not to mention I was incredibly exhausted so it was taking forever to get over there. But I was both feeling bad about taking so long and I was really missing Payton so we finally decided to go over, despite busy scedules. When we got there, dinner was almost ready (just had to wait for the garlic bread we brought with us to cook) and we started sharing stories. Once everything was done we all sat at the table and bowed our heads as Ryan started to pray. He thanked God for the food and for the day, then he went into thanking Him for having us over as company and for our wonderful news. He asked for our protection, and that everything go as smoothly as possible for us in the upcoming months. He went on for a little bit about us before saying amen. I wasn't expecting that at all, and by the time everyone opened their eyes I had too many tears to hide. We all laughed it off though, and Kelly said I should get use to feeling all over the place lol. I think Ryan felt bad for making me cry! But the visit was wonderful, we ended up staying for a few hours (I have yet to be able to go over and visit for just 30 minutes, we always have too much to talk about!). We shared Ireland pictures and stories, I played with Payton a lot a lot, and they gave us a copy of all the wedding pictures they had from their camera, and also a copy of the videos they had recorded for us. My favorite moment of the visit? When Kelly was getting plates on the table and Payton looked up at her excitedly. She yelled out '' we have family over, we are having dinner with family tonight!'' Kelly and Ryan smiled (I believe Hunter even laughed) and said '' yes Payton, we are having family over for dinner, it's exciting huh? ''. They have always referred to us as family, so it wasn't a surprise, it was just absolutely adorable how it all went down. Have I mentioned that I absolutely adore this family? Because I do. (by the way, we asked Payton if she's hoping for a new friend who's a girl, or a new friend who's a boy. She answered girl, Javi just keeps getting outnumbered!)

But yeah, my emotions are all over the place. I've cried over songs that I've heard a million times, I've cried at stupid parts of tv shows and movies, and the list goes on and on.

But, I don't have morning sickness so I wouldn't trade it for the world!

In Life and Death

So I've come to the conclusion that, although it's a very very difficult time for Javis family right now, our wedding has become a silver lining for them.

I was so worried about the funeral and the wedding being so close to each other (not for our sake but because it doesn't allow much grieving time for anyone on his side) but during the rosary and the funeral I realized that people were doing one of 2 things to Javi and I:
A) they were focusing on our wedding, asking us questions, and just plain congratulating us and that in turn made things (even just slightly) easier for them. It was something to bring a smile to their faces. It was a mini escape from the sorrow. Kinda like that one flower that blooms in a desert. This obviously was the happier option.
Or B) they constantly reminded us that Javis uncle wanted so badly to celebrate with us at the wedding. It was one of the things he wanted most before going on to heaven, and tons of people brought it to our attention over and over again (through teary eyes). This was the sadder route of course, but I believe it still helped people because it was always accompanied with something along the lines of '' now he has the best seat for the wedding''.  It's something hopeful, a way from them to know he is still with us all. It's an instant reminder that, yes he won't be here in person anymore, but he will absolutely be here in spirit. In a situation like death, hope is beautiful.

On the drive up I was kind of dreading wedding talk. With the wedding being next week it was unavoidable, but I just was worried we would come across as self centered or something. To me, a death is bigger then a wedding (that's my fear of anything death related right there) . But I guess I finally realized that it's ok. Everyone is looking forward to a happy break from the sadness, and a wedding is just the perfect thing.

And besides. Like everyone said, he now gets honored with the perfect view.

You will be missed Uncle Paul. We all love you dearly.

Until next time,
Tiffany

If You Don't Have Something Nice To Say

I just want to take a minute to thank my mom for teaching me that whole ''if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all'' thing. It's very hard at times, I'm thankful that it was engraved in me at a young age. Sometimes I just REALLY want to give people a piece of my mind.

On a side note. I'm incredibly stressed right now. The wedding is in less then two weeks and the to do list is a mile long (not to mention it seems like absolutely nothing is going my way along the journey. I can count on one hand the few great experiences we have encountered among the countless annoying and trying moments. I mean really, even booking rooms for my family within my own wedding block was a 30 minute hassle), we are trying to manage a death in Javis family (which I'm trying to be strong about for him but not succeeding at. We held each other last night while talking about it and we were both crying, long night. Need to fix this before the funeral so I can be there for him but I know that won't happen), and there's one other huge thing going on that I'm not ready to share.

So basically, Prayers are needed.

A Sister Is a Friend You Can Never Lose

A few weeks ago I went for a run, I had my Spotify play list on like usual. About halfway through my run, this specific song came on. Oath by Cher Lloyd. It's a song about best friends who will always be there for each other.

Now, I've heard this song tons of times and I love it, but it was always kinda odd because when I would hear it I would think of my sister. Like I said, it's a song about best friends, not family members. I could never really figure out why my sister always came into my mind when the song came on.

Then on my run it hit me like a brick wall.

My sister is my best friend, always has been, always will be.

Now, don't get me wrong. Throughout the years we have both had actual '' best friends ''. She's had her own, and I've had my own. But my sister is the only person who has ALWAYS been on my side for as far back as I can remember. We argued and disagreed like all sisters have/do, but no matter what, my sister has always been there for me.

Looking back at all the things we have been through, she's without a doubt my lifelong best friend.

My very first memory regarding my sister is actually before she was born. I was probably about 3 years old and my parents were dropping my brother and I off at their best friends house. My mom and dad were headed to the hospital to have my sister. I remember I was so upset/hurt that I got left behind that I just sat on the front step of their friends house for what felt like hours (but was really probably only 10 minutes). I remember just wanting to be with my parents and wanting to see my sister. I'm assuming we didn't get to go because my sister wasn't due for another 2 months (she was born premature) but I just wanted to be there.

When my sister was in elementary school and I was in middle school, we shared a room. At some point, my sister moved into the room across the hall. When we would get grounded (usually for something we were doing together) We would lay in our doorways and talk to each other. When my mom would tell us to stop talking, we thought we were the smartest kids for creating a rope/pulley thing, which we used to toss buckets back and forth with a paper that we wrote on so we could still talk (the rooms were directly across from each other, but too far away to just whisper).

I remember one of my first true nightmares was regarding my sister. In it, my sister and I were playing outside with our friends. Out of nowhere, this creepy guy starts running towards us, I tell to my sister to run inside the house and we both head towards the door. My sister trips though and the guy gets to her, grabs her and runs away. I remember freaking out hysterically in my dream, then waking up and running to her room to make sure she was still there. I'll never forget that dream.

We use to talk about how our life would be when we got older, and I promised her once I started driving and got my first job I would take her out on a shopping spree, that I would buy her whatever she wanted. We couldn't wait to grow up. (I never did take her out, but we called each other even because she promised to take me to NYC once I got out of debt and that didn't happen either :p)

When I was in high school and my sister was in middle school, we started fighting a lot. Over normal stuff though, to me she was my annoying younger sister, and to her I was her cool older sister. I remember even when we would argue, we never stayed mad for long. Like the night my sister had some friends over (maybe just one? Not sure), they were in my room and annoyed me so I yelled at them to get out and my sister yelled something back at me but did leave. About 2 minutes later she came back in asking to use some of my magazines. Instead of yelling at her again to get out, I went over to my stack and actually started recommending which ones I thought were the best. I remember her friend just thought we were crazy because one minute we were yelling, the next we were leaning over magizeens talking and laughing.

Then once I graduated, my sister became one of my closest friends. I could tell her anything and knew she wouldn't judge me, or tell my secrets to the world. My life was safe with her, I was safe with her.

My sister has always been there for me. The song really gets to me now because with my wedding coming up, I know my life will be changing significantly in the next few years. But like the song suggests, no matter where my life takes me or her life takes her, she will always have a home with me. No matter what.

I love you Alyssa, to no end.

Until next time,
Tiffany

''Wherever you go, just always remember
That you've got a home for now and forever.
If you get low, just call me whenever.
This is my oath to you.''
-Oath by Cher Lloyd